My Testimony

Picture                                 JESUS’ STORY IN ME

 

Chronic Pain At 16, I did a flip on a trampoline and hit the sidebar. When I fell to the ground, it knocked the wind out of me and I thought I had broken my back.  This led to degenerative disc disease and 15 years of chronic pain in my lower back.  I had several herniated discs, and in those days, they put you in “traction”, on muscle relaxers, pain pills, and valium for two weeks at a time.  Over the years, I ended up with a knot the size of grapefruit on my lower back and walked bent over. I couldn’t sit, stand, sleep, or walk without pain.  In the midst of the back pain and pills, I was…

 

Drinking In high school, I was introduced to alcohol.  I was shy and insecure.  I was introduced to beer on a date.  Beer relaxed me. I liked the way it made me feel.  I thought I was more outgoing & funny. However, over the years…

 

Addicted Alcoholism I became an alcoholic. I needed more and more, I didn’t want to stop, and even if wanted to, I couldn’t. Someone once handed me a self assessment test “Are you an alcoholic?”  I checked every one of the questions yes. At the bottom of that test, it said “You are an alcoholic.”     I thought “so what, I like to drink.”  However, it made me more aware of just how much I was drinking. That eventually led me to admit that I was an alcoholic.

 

Alcoholism doesn’t happen overnight.  The devil is so subtle. He has all the time in the world.  After drinking for about 15 years – at my peak, I drank a case of beer and ½ bottle Jack Daniels a day!    I was what they call a “functional alcoholic.”  I went to work, but     I drank from the time I got off work till the wee hours of the morning.  The alcoholism led to the wrong kind of friends and boyfriends…and eventually led to …

 

Drugs I had what they call an “addictive personality.”  If it is addictive, I would get addicted to it!  I started doing “speed” and cocaine 2-3 times a week. I almost overdosed three times. At the peak of these addictions, I was headed to heroin (I didn’t know about meth at time Thank God).  The cocaine led to …

 

Anxiety I was nervous…so I started smoking cigarettes. (I tried marijuana, but didn’t like it)

 

SexPromiscuous Drinking also relaxed my inhibitions. I did a lot of things I’m not proud of at this time in my life. I “hit bottom” sort of. With my Christian upbringing, I felt guilty, but I kept drinking to ease the pain.  I also married three times and divorced two.  The drugs and alcohol made me ….

 

Depressed It was a viscous cycle –cocaine, anxious – alcohol,depressed – in pain, alcohol and pain pills.  Since alcohol is also a depressant, I’d do cocaine to feel better….and on and on….

 

Suicidal I became suicidal. I was so unhappy, hurting and in pain – physically & emotionally, that I checked myself into a rehab place for two weeks. They put me on more pills! It was a rough time in my life. I thought this was really “hitting bottom,” but when I got out, I went right back to where I left off.

 

So….these were my struggles….

 

CHRONIC PAIN, VALIUM, PAIN PILLS, MUSCLE RELAXERS, ALCOHOL AND “SPEED” – EMOTIONAL PAIN, ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, DIVORCE, SUICIDAL – I WAS A MESS!

 

                        BUT GOD HAD A BETTER PLAN…

 

Thankfully, I had both parents, lived in a middle income neighborhood, and overall, l had a good childhood.  Even though we were dysfunctional (what family isn’t?), we went to church every Sunday and I heard the gospel.  I accepted Christ at about 17 years old. However, I didn’t have any discipleship and satan was there to take me down his road.

 

Also, my dad was a “functional alcoholic”. He wasn’t physically abusive, but he was emotionally unavailable. He was a controller. What he said went. “Do what I say, don’t talk, children are to be seen and not heard.” Although I loved my dad, after about the age of 10, I really wasn’t “daddy’s girl” anymore. He was very strict, and of course…rules without relationship = rebellion….and boy, did I rebel.  I couldn’t wait to graduate from high school and leave home. I wanted to get as far away from home and still be in Texas! Of course, satan’s plan was to introduce me to a bartender, who was five years older than me and who I thought I was “in love” with.  The alcoholism escalated!

 

Thank God I had a praying mother and grandmother! I believe that is why I’m still alive today.

 

I met my third husband at work in Texas, at the peak of my drinking and drugging. Funny thing is… he wasn’t an alcoholic, didn’t do drugs…he wouldn’t even take aspirin. I guess he felt sorry for me and asked me to move in with him.  When he got a job in Tulsa, Oklahoma, he asked me to go with him. (Another funny thing was, I was convicted about “living together” and I was convicted about “sleeping around” but the drinking and drugs clouded my mind).  I told him we would need to get married if he wanted me to go with him.  So we went to the county courthouse and got married! (the third time for both of us!) My thinking was….”if it doesn’t work out, oh well…just get a divorce.” Crazy!

 

By this time, my back was really hurting 24/7. I had that large lump on my right hip and was literally bent over. I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually bankrupt. I couldn’t work. I needed surgery, but didn’t have insurance. I was drinking far too much, and I hated my life.  At this point, I really “hit bottom….bottom!” (So…praying moms, never give up hope! Prayers are eternal.)

 

I was on the couch watching TV one day….when Oral Roberts son, Richard Roberts, came on talking about “how God heals.”  Even though I grew up in a “christian” home and went to church, I had never heard that before… and I was desperate!  I really just started talking to God. How I was sorry I had messed up my life and done things I wasn’t proud of. I said “God, if you’re real, I need you!”

 

HEALED Then Richard Roberts had what they call a “word of knowledge.” I didn’t know what that was. All I knew was that it was like he was talking directly to me. He began to describe my back condition in specific detail…“someone watching has chronic back pain, a lump on the right side of your lower back, your leg is numb and your toes are numb.” What went through my mind at that time was “God cares about my toes?

 

Then, Richard Roberts said, “Get up and do something you haven’t been able to do.”  So I got up off the couch and started to bend down to touch my toes.  I couldn’t even bend to where my hands touched my knees.  Well….I went down, down…all the way to the floor! I felt a “bright light” and “warmth” and I came up TOTALLY HEALED! …in my living room… in the middle of the day! I thought “what just happened?” Of course when I told my husband, he was amazed! He felt where the lump had been. He knew I couldn’t straighten up before….and now I was standing tall and had absolutely NO PAIN!  PRAISE GOD!

 

DELIVERED Both my husband’s and my life changed.  We started going to church. Since I wasn’t working at the time, I read and studied my Bible. I stopped the drugs…didn’t even think about them. One day, I just realized I wasn’t doing them anymore, and didn’t want to.  About three months later, I was drinking a glass of WINE (yes, I was still drinking. I wanted to stop, but couldn’t – that’s called “addiction”).

 

I was at the kitchen sink and told God that I didn’t want to do this anymore, that I was going to pour the wine down the sink and HE was going to have to take it.  This was just in my heart.  I loved God and didn’t want to drink anymore.  He delivered me from the alcoholism INSTANTLY! no cravings, no withdrawals, nothing! Amazing! I just lost the desire to drink.

 

However, (as a warning for others recovering) five years later, we were boating with some friends and they had wine coolers.  I thought “It’s been five years… I think I can have just one.”  WRONG! This took me into a tailspin, about a six month RELAPSE.  I started drinking again WHERE I LEFT OFF…A LOT!  and I was absolutely miserable!

 

This time God delivered me through a process.  I really didn’t think I was ever going to be able to stop drinking. But because I loved God more than the alcohol, I cried out to Him, and with His help, I did stop again.  (I’m thankful -now- that I went through that process, so I understand and can help others). I now have 26+ years of sobriety…ONLY because of God!

 

I also quit smoking.  I went through two years of start/stop. I wanted to please God more than I wanted those cigarettes, and eventually, with His help, I was able to quit cold turkey. (For an addict, personally, I believe it’s the only way).

 

             GOD DOES HEAL AND GOD DOES DELIVER!

                                MY LIFE IS PROOF!

 

“Getting saved” isn’t about a saying a special prayer, but recognizing your need for a Savior.  It’s a heart issue.  If you’d like to know God personally, please go to my To Know God tab.


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